"Yeah... did things I'm not proud of." -Vaseline
Vaseline is one of the few female members of the off topic. And she's one of the fewer female members who are actually pretty. Just like all the other pretty girls on the internet, she's cursed with constant unwanted attention.
The Love StoryEdit
Many people love Vaseline. But only two managed to get her special attention (As friends only): SoupwithSauce and Ulyaoth. Ulyaoth knew her first. Ulyaoth thought they were e-couples. Eventually, SoupwithSauce decides he likes Vaseline and swooped in and tried to steal Vaseline from Ulyaoth. Vaseline and SoupwithSauce exchanged pics. Ulyaoth and SoupwithSauce were competing for her. Others tried, too. But Vaseline liked Uly and Soup equally and everyone else, not as much. And it turns out the Vaseline doesn't need a boy on the internet. SoupwithSauce was kinda dissapointed but still talks to her a lot. Ulyaoth was quite upset. but he thought "Of course Vaseline doesn't need a boy on the internet! I should know her in real life!"
Ulyaoth is like obsessed with Vaseline. He kept talking to her and talking to her. He keeps showing how much he secretly loves Vaseline. He even tried to convince Vaseline to let him meet her in real life. She said no. But only because she doesn't like meeting people in person after meeting on the internet. They are good friends on the internet. They may even do well together. But Vaseline just isn't sure about it. And Ulyaoth finds this extremely infuriating. Vaseline probably would have accepted if she felt confortable with meeting someone from the internet. Here's how Ulyaoth describes what it feels like:
"You are out in a hot desert for hours and had no water. Your face is beat red, you are exhausted, sweat is pouring down your face, you're dying of thirst, you would do ANYTHING to get water. And you find the oasis. Your biggest wish is granted, you feel like you are finally gonna live instead of going thirsty in the schorching desert. What you need is right there. You run to it, but there is one problem. The oasis is surrounded by a giant unbreakable glass wall. The one thing you want more than anything is right there. You are oh so very close. But just one inconvenient obstacle keeps you from getting your only hope for survival. You are driving yourself insane and you would have been better off not seeing your hope for survival at all just to spare the sheer aggrivation from the tease of being so close to getting what you desperately need right in front of you."
What the Uly wants to do now, is to go to England, track down and find Vaseline, get to know her without telling her that she actually knows him on the internet. And when he thinks the time is right, reveal his online identity. And hope that it turns out okay in the end. Ulyaoth has some info he can start with. But he doesn't have time to take weeks to go to England and track Vaseline down.
But as much as Uly loves Vaseline, he accepts being less than what he wants. And he accepts being only friends because he respects what Vaseline wants to do.